Go on! Don’t be shy! I love it when I get a message in my inbox! My Name is Dan btw, or bizmandan if you’re referring to me in internet terms. This here is my tumblr and its on this website that you can expect to see things that i find funny or interesting and you might see some of things that I get up to, in an abstract sort of way. If you like what you see, and you want to see more, twitter is always a viable option. I mean look at the funny/interesting/mundane thing i have written in my last tweet :0 unmissable. absolutely UNMISSABLE :PTumblr (3.0; @bizmandan)http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/dc3582aaecda5c45f479dd0945e4977c/tumblr_mmm5u5Ib9b1qdlh1io1_400.gif"/><br/><br/>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50853963495http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50853963495Sun, 19 May 2013 22:44:57 +0100funny<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/7342de6636ebbedf877ade17dc5bcaad/tumblr_mmqwtml0lf1qzrlhgo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://thefrogman.me/post/50354262579/when-a-man-and-a-woman-are-in-love-and-get" class="tumblr_blog">thefrogman</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>When a man and a woman are in love and get married, they decide to show their love by participating in the most heinous of acts. Sexual intercourse. They turn off all the lights and the man inserts his rod of evil into the woman’s hole of Satan. They must use the missionary position, as it is improper for the male to face the Lord when humping about and making sex faces.</p> <p><img alt="image" src="http://media.tumblr.com/052cd960ee8f3a51c2240e222846e8a0/tumblr_inline_mmqyd1OWlX1qz4rgp.png"/></p> <p><span>The male thrusts back and forth for nearly a minute until his penis ejaculates seminal fluid into the vaginal cavity. This unleashes several hundred million little spermies all hellbent on finding an egg and making your life a whole lot more expensive. These guys are excellent swimmers too. Once a sperm is in motion it is then officially a spermatozoon. That’s a fun word. Spermatozoooooooon. Spermatozoooooooooooooon.</span></p> <p><img alt="image" src="http://media.tumblr.com/f0de2ddfd4c08bdbf4fb6638069bd534/tumblr_inline_mmqye1KX1r1qz4rgp.gif"/></p> <p><span>Anyway.</span></p> <p><span>The millions of spermatozoa (plural of spermatozoooooon) swim their way up the fallopian tubes. They target an egg and ram their spermy little heads into it. Most of them die from head trauma, but sometimes a lucky little tadpole breaks through and takes up residence inside the ovum…creating an embryo.</span></p> <p><img alt="image" src="http://media.tumblr.com/cf23438464ad9e6ea9636eca91973bba/tumblr_inline_mmqyev0eec1qz4rgp.jpg"/></p> <p><span>Depending on your religious beliefs, this is when life begins or it is just a couple of cells that could develop into a wittle baby. If you are a penguin, you really don’t care either way because your brain is unable to comprehend complex concepts.</span></p> <p><img alt="image" src="http://media.tumblr.com/a4f40cbc16bde8f3c94d3ed1e25ddfc3/tumblr_inline_mmqyfzRyTD1qz4rgp.jpg"/></p> <p><span>Once these two parts have bonded, the embryo does its best to attach to the uterine wall so it can begin dividing and conquering the mama’s belly. You must of course feed this little embryo all sorts of strange things. Like pickles and ice cream. Or peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches.</span></p> <p><img alt="image" src="http://media.tumblr.com/c398ebceab3b8c14ce896fa0aa0d6fd1/tumblr_inline_mmqyh5q8cj1qz4rgp.jpg"/></p> <p><span>Over the next 9 months those two cells divide into billions of cells creating a fetus.</span></p> <p><img alt="image" src="http://media.tumblr.com/b4cfcd6f0b64a8f544eaa7a8246a780b/tumblr_inline_mmqyhrAvjq1qz4rgp.jpg"/></p> <p><span>If you take a picture of this fetus inside the tummy, it will look like an alien creature.</span></p> <p><img alt="image" src="http://media.tumblr.com/a41012d997296a5818eb409c08ed8189/tumblr_inline_mmqyinmUC91qz4rgp.jpg"/></p> <p><span>This is normal. You do not have an alien baby.</span></p> <p><img alt="image" src="http://media.tumblr.com/a53a2370e1e610417af3b8d113da3a6b/tumblr_inline_mmqyjkKfgG1qz4rgp.jpg"/></p> <p><span>Then the day comes. The amniotic sac ruptures and the fluid is evacuated out of the vagina. Now…they call this “breaking water,” and even though that fluid is mostly water, there are also proteins, carbohydrates, and even a little pee in it. So if she broke water on your couch, I would give that a decent scrubbing after. Or at least turn the cushion over.</span></p> <p><img alt="image" src="http://media.tumblr.com/7470d3fc03298bb01f2a61f8fe0020e5/tumblr_inline_mmr0kwSKeC1qz4rgp.gif"/></p> <p><span>Junior is now ready to squeeze his cantaloupe head through the mother’s golf ball vagina. It’s important that the female breathe like an idiot to distract her from this fact. Typically like, “Hee hee hooooo. Hee hee hooooo.” Once she figures out that doesn’t do shit, she will demand drugs. Give them to her.</span></p> <p><img alt="image" src="http://media.tumblr.com/c382b998b1daea41c80c0aa88ea6df50/tumblr_inline_mmr0pebI3C1qz4rgp.jpg"/></p> <p><span>Her cervix will dilate. This only happens in centimeters, as doctors are too good for inches. Once it gets to the size of a lemon, they encourage the woman to start pushing. If you offer the woman your hand at this point, she will break every bone in it. I suggest putting your arms behind your back and having an encouraging expression on your face. The female may poop a little, try not to notice that.</span></p> <p><span>Soon the baby’s head will emerge and the doctors may use salad tongs to help pull it out. It will be slimy. It will have goo on it. It will be making strange noises. It will be bright pink and otherworldly.</span></p> <p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/c3a4556428d2abfa3f4d600545e2d1e7/tumblr_inline_mmr0z9TFY51qz4rgp.jpg"/></p> <p><span>This is normal. You still do not have an alien baby.</span></p> <p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/bef85f4d9e653d0c6f647a2dc280be8d/tumblr_inline_mmr0zySw6I1qz4rgp.jpg"/></p> <p><span>The doctor then gives the baby its first dose of corporal punishment and smacks it firmly to induce breathing. The baby will start crying. Get used to that.</span></p> <p><span>If you were to try and trace this process back to the point of origin, I would say that it all starts with the rod of evil. Which is the delivery mechanism for the spermatozooooons. Which are manufactured and stored in the balls.</span></p> <p><span>So, in conclusion, babies come from men’s balls of sacky malevolence.</span></p> <p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/a5a39de06ddeb354f8b8adb6b88caac4/tumblr_inline_mmr11cRi7y1qz4rgp.png"/></p> <p><em>[Originally created for <a href="http://slacktory.com/2011/08/the-origin-of-babies/">Slacktory</a>]</em></p></blockquote>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50847781820http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50847781820Sun, 19 May 2013 21:29:28 +0100babiesfunny<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/a1b5fd6538a6c04b0b037c10c779b56c/tumblr_mmguurGagj1qg8875o1_500.jpg"/><br/> <br/><img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/0d5760ef8293699e54def81c98b1feb3/tumblr_mmguurGagj1qg8875o2_500.jpg"/><br/> <br/>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50841540016http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50841540016Sun, 19 May 2013 20:13:07 +0100supermanbat manselfiesfunny<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzqbztO0Wc1qazg3ko1_500.gif"/><br/><br/>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50835551175http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50835551175Sun, 19 May 2013 18:57:15 +0100electroniccool<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/a05217b6af61181de5ae9e32ecdd50b4/tumblr_mmsjpjHfJZ1r0wmldo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50829856932http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50829856932Sun, 19 May 2013 17:41:46 +0100Avengers 1marvelHenry PymThe HulkIron ManThorWaspBill Bishopthe human torchthe invisiable girlJane Fostermr fantasticOdinRick JonesThe ThingLokiAvengersGods of AsgardFantastic FourTeen Brigade<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/8099f4758232cbf4209cc72b15af9af0/tumblr_mmsicmQtm81r0wmldo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50824510045http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50824510045Sun, 19 May 2013 16:25:52 +0100amazing spider-man 4marvelBetty Brantspider-manElizabeth AllanFlash ThompsonJ. Jonah JamesonMay ParkerSeymour OReillySandman<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/3ca725c45850a36359b23f2deccf4bbb/tumblr_mjgvktfAy91qza3e8o1_500.gif"/><br/><br/>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50819813742http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50819813742Sun, 19 May 2013 15:10:02 +0100wtf<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9dmptdSCz1qz4d4bo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://hippieinyourhouse.tumblr.com/post/49848560378/perfect">hippieinyourhouse</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>perfect </p> <p>want to live here</p> </blockquote> <p>This…. I like.</p>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50815976159http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50815976159Sun, 19 May 2013 13:54:15 +0100<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/5f7a2e7e7e7ee990f97fd2154cfd0596/tumblr_mmoe4bAsAb1rbe1bxo1_500.gif"/><br/> <br/><img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/5b36e891d9c9d2d4dc52bda4d6fb13ee/tumblr_mmoe4bAsAb1rbe1bxo2_500.gif"/><br/> <br/><img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/f80ea8dedf22a8317be5e66d0baf4dee/tumblr_mmoe4bAsAb1rbe1bxo3_500.jpg"/><br/> <br/><img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/0f6e883370a09f4edafd6707350146d5/tumblr_mmoe4bAsAb1rbe1bxo4_400.jpg"/><br/> <br/><img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/29495b2309392d5e4906691b578673a8/tumblr_mmoe4bAsAb1rbe1bxo5_500.jpg"/><br/> <br/>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50812933867http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50812933867Sun, 19 May 2013 12:38:26 +0100supermanbatmanfunny<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/46174d5131a30b74ac645c9a5f0402a8/tumblr_mmk6dhJUdd1qewacoo1_r1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://tumblr.tastefullyoffensive.com/post/50055202239/via" class="tumblr_blog">tastefullyoffensive</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>[<a href="http://imgur.com/32l2n">via</a>]</p></blockquote>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50807543183http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50807543183Sun, 19 May 2013 11:22:30 +0100catfunny<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/7e542a59a1ace85aafeb1512df3666ea/tumblr_mms1qpbmLl1r0wmldo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50800990954http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50800990954Sun, 19 May 2013 10:06:50 +0100scrubsfunny<p>You will have to forgive me, but 900th person to post what?</p>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50798122514http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50798122514Sun, 19 May 2013 09:00:21 +0100<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/c451f5b1b9bc0dfe110ac977397320e5/tumblr_mms2gvgM9v1r0wmldo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50797785725http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50797785725Sun, 19 May 2013 08:50:59 +0100funnythat's what she said<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/553b0701dfe4c2c6087c5513d7c99ef4/tumblr_mmhnzigx3x1qdvb2do1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://vvargs.tumblr.com/post/49941170564/my-banana-looks-like-matt-smith">vvargs</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>My banana looks like Matt Smith</p> </blockquote>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50794738475http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50794738475Sun, 19 May 2013 07:35:08 +0100matt smithbananafunny(I work in a Coffee Shop. I was on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)<br /> <br /> Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”<br /> <br /> (The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)<br /> <br /> Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”<br /> <br /> Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”<br /> <br /> Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”<br /> <br /> Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”<br /> <br /> (The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)<br /> <br /> Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”<br /> http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50790815190http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50790815190Sun, 19 May 2013 06:19:23 +0100batmanfunny<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/c9c393d9b69d5d60bcc3b15c0f5612bd/tumblr_mmgppxQ5BF1qdlh1io1_250.gif"/><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://tumblr.4gifs.com/post/49912965452/tredmill-dancer-spins">4gifs</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Treadmill preset: Fabulous</p> </blockquote>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50785856111http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50785856111Sun, 19 May 2013 05:03:38 +0100funny<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/beb4f2a937917d04815359b5478baf0b/tumblr_mmnpacZVAO1s27h2wo1_500.gif"/><br/><br/>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50780540148http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50780540148Sun, 19 May 2013 03:47:50 +0100doctor whothe doctors brain<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/144f043f317a17dbcda5c0a64ca8921d/tumblr_ml82hyMqGh1ra6bo2o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50775330843http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50775330843Sun, 19 May 2013 02:32:00 +0100deadpooliron manawesome<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lta5xfiDRb1qf0i9eo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50770484404http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50770484404Sun, 19 May 2013 01:16:56 +0100babyfunny<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/14b9371cca6a24856261399488ef2990/tumblr_mms2876zaJ1r0wmldo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50760109265http://bizmandan.tumblr.com/post/50760109265Sat, 18 May 2013 22:44:38 +0100vegansfunny