Hey guess what? I have started a YouTube channel devoted entirely to a daily vlogging and what is even more surprising is that I have managed to keep uploading to it for the past five days. I know! It’s truly amazing that after about 7 months of not uploading a single video I manage to stay on top of it for nearly a week, I am beyond impressed with myself I really am.
On top of that I am now writing this blog. I class this as an even bigger achievement as these are the things I have always been worst at, apart from when I was going through my slightly emo faze on MySpace way back in 2006, I would blog almost every single day about how my life was rubbish and how sad I was, god! What a total annoyance I was!
I think all too often things like making videos and blogging are treated, in my mind anyway, as things that get in the way of life, like work. Really, they are not, but in my mind I say to myself “I have to write a blog” or “I need to make a video” but the truth is, I don’t, if I really think about it, the fact of the matter is that I want to make these things. For no other reason than the sheer joy of being able to look back and either squirm at how naïve I was, or marvel at how talented I was to write/ or make something. For some unknown reason my mindset is always stuck in the mode that defines anything that requires a slight bit of effort as; joyless, but we all know that that is simply not true.
As I said in the first video of my new video diary, I love to document my life, I love to look back and see what I was doing at particular times in my life, it gives me so much joy to see the good times, to look back at pictures of lovely things that Sarah may have made me when I was feeling a little bit sad, or to see a time that I was hanging out with my best buddy bob. This whole feeling came about when facebook implemented the timeline feature, I hate facebook but I love the time line feature, it is pure genius. Because I am a bit obsessive compulsive about putting things in order, I did actually spend a bit too much time putting everything in a chronology, and then I spent even more time looking back at it all. The pictures, the tweets, the thoughts the feelings the jokes, it is just so good to look back at your life in such detail.
One thing that the timeline did highlight was the huge gaps, in which I didn’t take any pictures, the times I didn’t tweet and also my childhood and times with my family. The sad fact is that when my mum died, I lost all my memories of my childhood, when my brother took over her house I was sort of pressured to get everything I wanted out of that house in half an hour, and being recently bereaved I forgot so many things, pictures of me when I was little, pictures of my mum and my dad and little trinkets that remind me of my mum. The sad fact is that my brother is not a very nice person, and he has probably disposed of my childhood memories out of spite and that will always be a huge regret for me.
But that kind of thing is completely out of my power, what was in my power however was the ability to build memories around Christmases and birthdays and anniversaries, but when I look back there are huge chunks missing out of those periods in my life. I could kick myself sometimes for not being more camera happy. Do you know how many pictures I have got of mine and Sarah’s first anniversary? Two! How ridicules is that? What kind of record is that to leave to my grand kids and future relatives that may feature on the 400th series of who do you think you are?
So since realising this about myself and my life I have been more eager than ever to make a record of my life, to try and tweet more, to take more photos and to make more videos and the daily vlogging channel on YouTube is my first step towards that. I guess my second step is to write more, even though it is one of the things that I don’t do to often it is also one of the things that I enjoy immensely and, because I have the ability to go on and on and on, I don’t even need to know what I am meant to be writing about before I start because I can just pick up the keyboard and before I know it I have written an entire page! So even though I am constantly saying it, I am going to try and get into blogging again as well as taking more videos.
I don’t think I am a bad writer and even though I am not relevant in any way what’s so ever in the grand scheme of things, and I very much doubt that people will look upon my writings in the same way as they do with Shakespeare, Dickens and Rowling, I will always have the comfort that these words will at least be around for as long as the internet is, if anyone feels inclined to look upon them.